Today is my 10th anniversary and I want to tell you about the man that I fell in love with on November 2nd, 1997, and who I married on October 26th, 2002.
I've never before loved another man nearly as much as I love this man. This man adores me, and that, alone, is enough to make me love him the way that I do. But that is not the only thing that encompasses our relationship. The little things that he has done everyday for me: little notes, little drawings, putting my socks on my feet when I'm bundled on the couch and my tootsies are cold (without me asking), are just a few things that this man does. Not because he's "whipped" or anything like that, but because this is a kind and generous and giving human being who is unselfish and loving and really pure of heart.
Now, he's made mistakes, alot of mistakes, like most human beings, and, not too long ago, I used to remember each and every one of those mistakes, and could recall them quite clearly. But now, since I've gotten older, and have advanced in my own relationship with myself and we've advanced in our relationship together, I don't know that I could recall or tell you many of those mistakes that he's made, nor do I have a desire to. At least, I try, anyway. Rest assured, he has never reminded me of mine. That is the earmark of a precious relationship; when you can accept each other for all of your flaws and mistakes and forgive each other for them wholeheartedly and without any type of reckoning.
There's a give and take that is unspoken but not unrealized. I've got the most precious man in my life and my life is completely enriched because of him. I've been in relationships in the past that were absolutely no good. I was always (terrible cliche, here) "lookin' for love in all the wrong places."
I got into relationships with people over and over again that wanted to make sure that I knew my place; that I knew that they were better than me, or even that other people were better than me. I was constantly put under their thumb. I don't know why I, too often, accepted that, and I don't know what made me wake up. I thought maybe it was getting pregnant with my son that did it, but I realize I woke up from this before he was born. I guess I just knew it was time to grow up, that his well being had to come first.
I think of how magical my life is now, because I can see the miracle of change that occurred that helped me stop going through the terrible motions of tortuous relationships. I've been with people who were abusive, people who were cruel, I've been been on the roller coaster ride of mental and verbal abuse, and even endured a little physical abuse. Most women who go through this will continue the cycle; will continue picking the same man over and over again. By some miracle, that I can only now attribute to God (not religion), the Great I Am, I stopped that cycle, especially since I knew that I was going to make the decision to raise my son alone, if it meant that we would be in a safer and more sound environment. And only then when I made that decision did I opened myself up for true love.
And that is definitely what I found and what we have grown in exponentially over the last 15 1/2 years.
I've never met anyone more generous to have taken on a ready-made family and an 18 month old baby when he was only a young man in his 20's, and he is the only father that my son has ever known. We could never ask for better. Ever.
I've never met anyone that makes me feel the way that Noah makes me feel. And for that I owe him my life. And he will have it because I intend to spend every last drop of my life with this man, and I hope that that life extends far, far into the future. Long enough for us to both see the wonderful changes that we are hoping for for this planet and all of the life on it. He is absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to us and I feel blessed every day to have him. And if you all only knew the little things, the little miracles that happen everyday between all of us...it's just a special and magical life. I only pray that everyone can have just an ounce of what I have with my Noah.
"...just as the flower cannot survive without the sun, nor can I without your smile..."
-from my vows to my husband, October 26th, 2002
I have been spending a lot of time with a woman who has a fifteen year old son. It is hard enough to gain the acceptance of the son, I feel like I also have to gain acceptance of his mom, gain additional acceptance I mean, acceptance of my treatment of her son (regain her acceptance, or double-gain it...or a double gainer with a twist or whatever [ha]).
ReplyDeleteShe actually asked me to tutor her son, which I was so happy and enthusiastic about and loved doing. But then, she told me she had found somebody else to tutor him - and I was pretty crushed.
I still talk with him about cool stuff: history stuff and technology stuff...stuff like scratch.mit.edu and Code Academy and Bob Ross and other odds and ends.
Maybe my involvement with the son is kind of scaled to my relationship with the mom. We've been seeing each other for six months.
Bobby,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment! So...is that how you met? She asked you to tutor her son, then you started dating? Or you started dating, then she asked you? Either way, she might just want a separation from that, if you are to be dating, so as not to make any type of uncomfortable situation. If you get along with her son, that is fantastic. That you are open to being with a woman (not that there is anything AT ALL wrong with dating a woman with children)who has kids, shows that you are a dedicated person. It may take her some time to trust, though.
It took me a long time to figure out what I needed to do that was the best for my son, though he was only a baby at the time. I knew that he HAD to come forst, and I explained this to Noah right up front. I had already been through enough, and was not going to raise my son around a bunch of chaos and confusion. If she is being stand-offish, she may just need time. Talk to her, but give her room. Six months is still new to everything. She may be nervous about how her son feels about YOU, too. I'm sure they have a whole dialogue going about it, as well. Don't worry about getting all caught up in gaining acceptance or trying too hard. Just be yourself. hat's who she began to like in the first place. Just allow it to happen. Concentrate on the "Being" and not so much on the "Doing". Being with them, being natural, not doing what you think you should to please or 'do' the right thing. It may turn out to not be...
I'm not an expert, by any stretch, but I hope this helps.
Nanette